http://rpc.technorati.com/rpc/ping DamagedArt by DeandraDanay: June 2008

Sunday, June 22, 2008

My Latest


Ok, so this is one of my most recent paintings. It's called " Over Troubled Waters". The story behind it is, there was this bridge that I used to take home from my customer service job in Allentown. I lived in Reading and I traveled across this bridge at around 2am. This was a pretty dark time in my life, I was depressed, my job was stressful, I didn't feel that I would ever be able to get ahead, and everyone else was doing better than me. Not to mention that my disabled mother was too dependent on me. I lived with her and she let me know frequently that I could never leave her so I felt trapped. She was also not the most positive person, and she was the one who kind of put the idea in my head not to dare to dream because you'll just be disappointed. So never-the-less, I was under a psychiatrists care and I took anti-depressants. I used to think about driving off of this bridge sometimes, and as far as my mother goes, I did have a life insurance policy she would get. I used to talk about it with her and I guess that was a sign that I never really wanted to do it anyway. That was just the only way I knew how to express my desperation with the whole situation. And while my mother never wanted me to die, she saw my desperation and didn't care. She only cared that I would stay and take care of her regardless of how miserable it made me.

So this is the bridge and it symbolizes a lot. My mother passed away and that is really when my life began. Now, while it isn't perfect and I am not where I want to be, I know that I will get there. Killing myself is not even a thought I would entertain.




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Friday, June 20, 2008

Gallery

 

I've decided to take a much more proactive approach to my art career. I want to be in galleries, I want to be "the next be thing" I want to be the hottest new thing out of Philly!  I have been researching art galleries in Philadelphia and I have checked out their websites. I have started contacting them to find out how a hopeful artist would be considered to show there. One emailed me back and said I would need to send disk along with a copy of my artist statement and my resume'. I plan to do that shortly, although I don't really have anything on my resume', I spent a year at University of the Arts, attended 2 flea markets and sold 2 paintings to co-workers and friends. Another gallery's website said that you only need to email them a link to your blog so I figured I'd update and add a few more paintings before I do that.

I also got an idea for a new painting that I might sketch out tonight and try to paint tomorrow. In addition to all of that I also think I may have found a solution to my money troubles for now. I have a lead on a job at Starbucks. The store is really close to me and they  have hours that would coincide with my schedule to allow me to work part-time. I think it is something I could make work, it'll help get my bills paid and give me a little extra to spend this summer. Who knows.....maybe Starbucks would even let me show my art there! Wouldn't that be great??? Killing two birds with one stone!!!


The painting at the top is called "Smitten" it's mushy and inspired by my man. I took a picture of his sweat jacket and in the painting his jacket is draped over my heart. The heat from my feelings for him seem to be changing the seasons. I know...I told you it was mushy!!

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Saturday, June 7, 2008

Risk


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Risk! The concept is terrifying! I think especially for me considering the way I was raised. I think one thing that my mother instilled in me, probably stronger than anything else was fear. You know the plastic hand puppets that kids used to get with Happy Meals from McDonald's? My mom used to poke holes in mine before she gave them to me for fear that I might suffocate. I carried scissors and knives by the very tip of the handles and at arms length because my mom had me convinced I'd cut myself. 

I am afraid of everything and I am struggling to get over that. To go after what I really want in life is going to require risk and I have to be okay with that. Faith is another concept that I struggle with and I think that might be completely related to my risk issue. One takes a risk, with faith that they will get the best outcome. That whole concept is hard for me. One might invest all of there savings in starting a business with faith that it will be successful. While I would think, "well I know I won't lose my savings if I don't risk it to follow my dream", so my bet has always been on the sure thing. I also need to learn to take a risk and have faith with my feelings. I need to dare to dream and have faith that they will come true.
In the past I have never let myself dream or get my hopes up regarding things that I couldn't logically plan a way to make some true. Like I never let myself dream about beautiful condos, expensive vacations and things like that because I couldn't wrap my pessimistic mind around a way that I would ever achieve those things, so to me it was too painful. 

My new outlook has me dreaming and focusing on what I want and believing that the Universe will provide me with the circumstances in my life that will allow me to achieve those things. Even logically, 10 years ago, I never thought I would be able to work for a bank, hell 10 years ago I didn't think I could hold a job anywhere. I never thought I would have a house or drive a car and those things have all happened anyway.  It's amazing the things that I have accomplished when there were other people, myself included, who thought I couldn't. So my new saying is anything is possible if you believe that it is.

The painting above is titled "Through My Mother's Eyes" I attempted to show how even on a beautiful day without a cloud in a sky, my mother only saw the storm that may or may not be coming. The tree in the center represents me, it shows that I was blossoming with potential for greatness and she still couldn't see it. She was trying to look out for me and keep me from getting hurt, but in her eyes it was better for me to never attempt anything rather than to try and risk failing and getting hurt. It kind of set the tone for my perception of what I could do.

Hopeful


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I emailed some of my favorite pieces to the art gallery owner friend of a coworker friend of mine. Now my coworker told me that her friend is going through some family things right now, I think she has someone getting married and she is planning a wedding in another state, I think. So who knows when I'll hear but I am sure I will. I am very seriously practicing following the principles of the law of attraction so I am certain that I will get discovered in the art community, I just can't focus on how exactly. I will be donating a painting to the Breast Cancer Awareness walk to be raffled off in October. I should gain some recognition from that as well. I have this picture in my head of what my life should be, I should be living in a wonderful condo in center city with a big studio to work in, with the recognition and respect of the art world, making a living off of my art. That will happen I am sure.


The painting above is called "The Street Where I Live" I recently bought a house and this is my interpretation of a beautiful sunrise that I witnesses one day as I left for work. I took out my camera and stood in the middle of the street to take the picture.
The scene was just so beautiful I had to capture it, I have actually stopped a few other places around the city, usually when I see a particularly stunning sky with great skyline, and I take out my camera right there. 
I believe that anyone that has gotten big in any creative field (music, dancing, acting, art) has to keep trying. We only see the end result so we of course don't realize the years of waiting that went into it. I've only been painting again and seriously for not even a year. Before it never even occurred to me to actually dream to pursue my art as an actual means to make money. That dream seemed too elusive and therefore too painful for me so I just didn't think about it. So on a positive note I know my time will come,and I will get there, the Universe will figure out how to get me there!